A whole lotta trouble
lol sounds like a title of a season one episode of breaking bad, back when everything seemed so innocent and domestic, yet when watching with hindsight after finishing the show, you'll realise all the subtle forshadowing of the abhorrent cynicism. Lol you probably won't but english literature students are just burdened with this inability to watch an allegorical or didactic program, book, or anything with words without inadvertently analysing \I/
Okay so this blog will take you through the journey of my final day in singapore to where I am now. Let us begin with Sunday morning at 8am (midnight for you guys) when I woke up with deep sadness knowing I will never again wake up to anything this beautiful
my aunty left for hong king so I said bi and then her boyf, my dad and I went to the viewing point on the Marina Bay Sands hotel which is this place composed of three buildings with a ship atop it. After taking wayyyy to many selfies with my selfie stick we explored the city for one final time. I dont know if I was just craving home but towards the end I saw lots of chinese people resembling caucasian people I know???? lol guys realise you all probs have a chinese doppleganger. Love the french word for chinese: 'chinois'. okay now no I dont I've just repeated it wayyy too many times both in whisper, vocally and subvocally that its lost all its meaning now \I/. Perhaps this is why I lost my passion for french: when you repeat a word superfluously, even the most beautiful words, it begins to loose its meaning. And to reduce the meaning is to reduce the feeling.
In the evening we went for one final swim in the empty infinity pool, and it was so perfect because it was just as the sun was setting and I got to see the sky blur from pale to dark blue as the lights illuminated in the water
I think I'm really getting the hang of these 'half face selfies' but apparently your supposed to show two thirds of your face??? (yes I research 'how to take selfies when you're ugly don't h7 appreci7)) cannot be exploiting that much bcus then the main focus would shift to how even though the translucency reflects the trees like a distorted foggy mirror, my nose still manages to encapsulate the majority of the snapshot \I/
Thereafter, I took one final cool shower, and somehow I managed to condition the roots and shampoo the ends resulting in about 60% increased malting. But it was probably just the stress of leaving.
we got a taxi to the airport and caught the plane at quarter to midnight. I was really happy at first becuase I got a window seat!!!! But after being awake for 24 hours these feelings of elation were negated :(. When I did finally fall into the realms of slumber, gravity must be much stronger in the sky bcus I hit it pretty hard: in my dreams, I was on the plane and all I can remember is that satan was not being kind. But this is probably becuause I was reading Gillian Flynn's 'Dark Places' which caught my attention cuz its about a satanic squad <3 becuase I couldn't seem to stay asleep - and trust me the pain of sleep deprivation was not as bad as satan's abhorrent punishment - I resorted to Singapore Airlines' 'Entertainment system'; I watched about half of the movie 'If I stay' in french but with english subtitles but got bored and stopped it about half way through bcus there was wayyy too much superfluous porn kissing and the french voice actors did not match the characters at all. in the final couple of hours I watched a few episodes of friends, the one with the nap buddies was a personal highlight ;'3
Due to the intense sleep deprivation, the demarcations between dream and reality was hazier than singapore's notorious humidity. There was a cloudless point in the flight when I looked up and I'd never felt to close to the stars: I looked down and I'm certain I was embedded between two sets of stars, though with hindsight this may have merely been an hallucinogenic repercussion of lack of sleep.
But it was all worth it for the feeling of being overcome by the glacial london breeze at 6am. Everything was just so perfect at that moment I finally stepped out of 'the queen's terminal' in heathrow airport. I finally felt exonerated from the asphyxiating humidity. I finally felt I could breath for the first time in forever
there'll b magic
there'll b fin
for the first time in 4ev
I could be noticed
by sum0
But above all, I felt alive.
Idk what it is about the cold, but I just love it so so much.
Unzipping my thin white and navy hoody, laden with my suitcase and bad, I felt so empowered the headphones went straight in to the two most empowering songs: Donnatella and Fashion
cuz she walks so bad like it feels so good
litsen to her RADIATE HER MAGIC
Even though Id just been on a plane for fourteen hours and hadn't even showered for about sixteen hours (which felt more like sixteen years tbh) the icy breeze made me feel so clean and pure and powerful the grotesqueness was revoqued.
Grandparents picked us up and it was good to see them bcus they'd been on hol so haven't seen them since last year i dont thinq
anyway I had the most beautiful bannana ever: it was straight!!! but qutite thick yet smooth and had the perfect equilibrium of yellow to brown ratio - just at the perfect sweetness of ripeness and it was just so good omg I miss it WHY DID I HAVE TO EAT IT 😩
ALSO DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN EAT BANANA SKINS IF YOU COOK THEM BUT DONT GIVE TOO MUCH TO YOUR DOG NO MATTER HOW MUCH SHE BEGS U 🍌
so we left london at about 7:15 and I think I finally got a good hour sleep in the car, awakening just before 9am when my dad dropped me off at home. And omg
I opened the door, throwing everything on the ground ran straight into my mothers room to find a beautiful summer come running to me making those strange whining noises which kind of sound like fustration but when her tail is spinning as much as that I know its just her conveying her benevolence <3
We were gone for about nine days but somehow it felt more like nine months, but omg seeing my mother and summer after what felt like so long was just so so good, I missed them so much <3 I got my suitcase and gave her the silk fan I bought for her on the last day there and showed her a few photographs. Then mother v kindly made me some porridge and green tea and we had a few minutes of catch up conversation. Whilst eating I kind of just didn't even know what to say which was weird??? But I seldom sit with her to have long convos but I told her how kind and catering my aunt and her boyf were and stuff <3
Guys, I want you to know I'm not proud of what I did that day. That monday I did some bad things, but its over now and I have the strength to say although I sinned, I had no other choice.
It was 9am when I got home; I was supposed to be in school for 9:40 for my french speaking one to one. But hella I can't even shower in under 40 minutes and I had five essays due in, three of which coursework, two of which one hour (each) exam answers which I hadn't even started. So I said to my mum: look, please, just call school and tell them I'm unwell and then I'll go in at 12 to hand my courseework in becuase I'm not going to miss anything ((except trouble when I wak in)) so shame on me now but pls
mother: ok but Im working from 10 until 1pm :-(
me: its okay I need a walk anyway bcus not so sure circulation in my legs is still happening haemoglobin u still there goys???? rlly need u left now xo
So I left home at about 11am and had a relatively invigorating walk to school to sia consisting of elastic heart, chandelier and Big girls cry and then to culminate no other than fashion and Mary Jane Holland <3 wanted to finish with Gypsy bcus lyrics epitomised lyfe at the time but alas, arrived at school. Slyly, although it was only half eleven I signed in as arriving at 12:15 becuase that was the start of period two of english lit, and we would be in the computer room so the teacher wouldnt mark me in becuase she'd take the register mark from the previous period with our exam teacher. Before the lesson, I went to the downstairs lib and Dan and Eve had been sent by the teacher to do the essay they should have done over half term (which I still havent even started) but then our teacher phoned the library and the librarian asked for someone and told her they were not in the downstairs lib and then I was like 'FUQ' IS MUTHRBUQQA COMING TO THE LIB and then I was frequen out like 'GUYS HELP WHAT IF SHE CATCHES ME SQIVING????' and Eve v cleverly suggested I hide in the toilet outside the lib and they'll knock when the coast is clear. Alas, I took my mac and balanced it between the sinks and did some lang coursework but I dont think it saved :[[:[[:[[ after about five minutes Jack Bevo came to inform me I can return so I did and then Eve and I went to period two of english and thankfully managed to avoid teacher.
If you thought the heat was intense, this is when It got satanic: so after working through all of lunch Jack B told me to skive first period of english with him and do it, so I agreed. But whereas he went to form, I had to stay under the radar, hoping id appeared absent all day I skipped form.
But he came. He found us. I don't think he was expecting to see me because he went straight to the two other people who were skiving and then saw me and repeated his questions. Here is how the conversation went:
Assistant head who is our exam lang teacher: 'what are you doing here?'
Me: *Purses lips then subsequently inhales with trepidation and makes it into an 'O' shape, unable to vocalise anything but a wispy fragment of 'ohr'*
Assistant head who is our exam lang teacher: get to my lesson. :-)
But the scariest thing is how calm he was about it. His face displayed no anger; his voice conveyed no aggression.
He was so calm it just felt so cynical like he was saying to me 'I will burn every copy of every book in the world you've ever read or ever wanted to read or ever could read or ever would have read right in front of your eyes. And you cannot stop me.'
So the three of us walked into class, none of us able to hide the guilt or stress or fear with the class grinning so much, but strangely no teacher. Was the center of attention becuase everyone in class wanted to ask me how singapore was and what happened and where the teacher went and latest gossip and how I only just got back to northampton at nine am this morning but it was so good seeing elliott smiling as I sat down next to him, proud of my rebelliousness :3 showed him a few singapore pics and the teacher came back, in a good mood as usual but I couldnt help but feel this grostesque disconcerting feel lingering in the air.
So we went to period two and there were about five people who hadnt printed off their coursework and were just begging miss to let them go library and when I asked her she was just like 'ok' so quietly not even looking at me, slightly derisive but I deserved it. Just as I was running out of the room she called me back like: 'raf I am aware of where you were last period and when and I mean print, not do' to which i replied 'okay thenk you miss' and I've never run so fast from the second floor but becuase It was the end of the day the atrium was wet with cleaning fluid; the traction of my shoes failed me and I catapuled to the ground and recoiled so smoothly I'm dissapointed only callum was there to gently laugh and ask if I was okay, to which I replied 'yeah Im fine' and continue running despite the fact I felt as though Id just been shot in the hip :} upon arriving at the library all the computers were taken but I was so desperate I ran straight to Dan L like 'DANNY PLEASE LET ME JUST PRINT THIS IM DESPERATE PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE' and he was just like 'yeah its okay raf just do it' but then Holly v kindly sacrificed her computer for me but I couldnt find the file!!!!!!! I have so many different versions so disorganised Im not even sure I printed off the correct one but Im not going to risq the regret by checking. Ive honestly never typed so fast in my life. Again, everyone wanted me to talk to them about singapore and the gossip and I think they saw what happened but the stress overcame and I was in both fight and flight mode simultaneously. Good news is that we're going to have mrs b for the double lesson on Friday until the end of the year!! Really miss her she was so kind and funny in year 10 <3
Really shouldn't have gone to school that day, but then you wouln't be reading this. Honestly, the sacrifices I make for you guys <3 is worth every fragment of pain
So here I am <3
"I took a half measure when I should have gone all the way" - one of the greatest quotes of breaking bad
12 likes on this photo!! So proud 🙌
Okay so this blog will take you through the journey of my final day in singapore to where I am now. Let us begin with Sunday morning at 8am (midnight for you guys) when I woke up with deep sadness knowing I will never again wake up to anything this beautiful
my aunty left for hong king so I said bi and then her boyf, my dad and I went to the viewing point on the Marina Bay Sands hotel which is this place composed of three buildings with a ship atop it. After taking wayyyy to many selfies with my selfie stick we explored the city for one final time. I dont know if I was just craving home but towards the end I saw lots of chinese people resembling caucasian people I know???? lol guys realise you all probs have a chinese doppleganger. Love the french word for chinese: 'chinois'. okay now no I dont I've just repeated it wayyy too many times both in whisper, vocally and subvocally that its lost all its meaning now \I/. Perhaps this is why I lost my passion for french: when you repeat a word superfluously, even the most beautiful words, it begins to loose its meaning. And to reduce the meaning is to reduce the feeling.In the evening we went for one final swim in the empty infinity pool, and it was so perfect because it was just as the sun was setting and I got to see the sky blur from pale to dark blue as the lights illuminated in the water
I think I'm really getting the hang of these 'half face selfies' but apparently your supposed to show two thirds of your face??? (yes I research 'how to take selfies when you're ugly don't h7 appreci7)) cannot be exploiting that much bcus then the main focus would shift to how even though the translucency reflects the trees like a distorted foggy mirror, my nose still manages to encapsulate the majority of the snapshot \I/Thereafter, I took one final cool shower, and somehow I managed to condition the roots and shampoo the ends resulting in about 60% increased malting. But it was probably just the stress of leaving.
we got a taxi to the airport and caught the plane at quarter to midnight. I was really happy at first becuase I got a window seat!!!! But after being awake for 24 hours these feelings of elation were negated :(. When I did finally fall into the realms of slumber, gravity must be much stronger in the sky bcus I hit it pretty hard: in my dreams, I was on the plane and all I can remember is that satan was not being kind. But this is probably becuause I was reading Gillian Flynn's 'Dark Places' which caught my attention cuz its about a satanic squad <3 becuase I couldn't seem to stay asleep - and trust me the pain of sleep deprivation was not as bad as satan's abhorrent punishment - I resorted to Singapore Airlines' 'Entertainment system'; I watched about half of the movie 'If I stay' in french but with english subtitles but got bored and stopped it about half way through bcus there was wayyy too much superfluous porn kissing and the french voice actors did not match the characters at all. in the final couple of hours I watched a few episodes of friends, the one with the nap buddies was a personal highlight ;'3
Due to the intense sleep deprivation, the demarcations between dream and reality was hazier than singapore's notorious humidity. There was a cloudless point in the flight when I looked up and I'd never felt to close to the stars: I looked down and I'm certain I was embedded between two sets of stars, though with hindsight this may have merely been an hallucinogenic repercussion of lack of sleep.
But it was all worth it for the feeling of being overcome by the glacial london breeze at 6am. Everything was just so perfect at that moment I finally stepped out of 'the queen's terminal' in heathrow airport. I finally felt exonerated from the asphyxiating humidity. I finally felt I could breath for the first time in forever
there'll b magic
there'll b fin
for the first time in 4ev
I could be noticed
by sum0
But above all, I felt alive.
Idk what it is about the cold, but I just love it so so much.
Unzipping my thin white and navy hoody, laden with my suitcase and bad, I felt so empowered the headphones went straight in to the two most empowering songs: Donnatella and Fashion
cuz she walks so bad like it feels so good
litsen to her RADIATE HER MAGIC
Even though Id just been on a plane for fourteen hours and hadn't even showered for about sixteen hours (which felt more like sixteen years tbh) the icy breeze made me feel so clean and pure and powerful the grotesqueness was revoqued.
Grandparents picked us up and it was good to see them bcus they'd been on hol so haven't seen them since last year i dont thinq
anyway I had the most beautiful bannana ever: it was straight!!! but qutite thick yet smooth and had the perfect equilibrium of yellow to brown ratio - just at the perfect sweetness of ripeness and it was just so good omg I miss it WHY DID I HAVE TO EAT IT 😩
ALSO DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN EAT BANANA SKINS IF YOU COOK THEM BUT DONT GIVE TOO MUCH TO YOUR DOG NO MATTER HOW MUCH SHE BEGS U 🍌
so we left london at about 7:15 and I think I finally got a good hour sleep in the car, awakening just before 9am when my dad dropped me off at home. And omg
I opened the door, throwing everything on the ground ran straight into my mothers room to find a beautiful summer come running to me making those strange whining noises which kind of sound like fustration but when her tail is spinning as much as that I know its just her conveying her benevolence <3
We were gone for about nine days but somehow it felt more like nine months, but omg seeing my mother and summer after what felt like so long was just so so good, I missed them so much <3 I got my suitcase and gave her the silk fan I bought for her on the last day there and showed her a few photographs. Then mother v kindly made me some porridge and green tea and we had a few minutes of catch up conversation. Whilst eating I kind of just didn't even know what to say which was weird??? But I seldom sit with her to have long convos but I told her how kind and catering my aunt and her boyf were and stuff <3
Guys, I want you to know I'm not proud of what I did that day. That monday I did some bad things, but its over now and I have the strength to say although I sinned, I had no other choice.
It was 9am when I got home; I was supposed to be in school for 9:40 for my french speaking one to one. But hella I can't even shower in under 40 minutes and I had five essays due in, three of which coursework, two of which one hour (each) exam answers which I hadn't even started. So I said to my mum: look, please, just call school and tell them I'm unwell and then I'll go in at 12 to hand my courseework in becuase I'm not going to miss anything ((except trouble when I wak in)) so shame on me now but pls
mother: ok but Im working from 10 until 1pm :-(
me: its okay I need a walk anyway bcus not so sure circulation in my legs is still happening haemoglobin u still there goys???? rlly need u left now xo
So I left home at about 11am and had a relatively invigorating walk to school to sia consisting of elastic heart, chandelier and Big girls cry and then to culminate no other than fashion and Mary Jane Holland <3 wanted to finish with Gypsy bcus lyrics epitomised lyfe at the time but alas, arrived at school. Slyly, although it was only half eleven I signed in as arriving at 12:15 becuase that was the start of period two of english lit, and we would be in the computer room so the teacher wouldnt mark me in becuase she'd take the register mark from the previous period with our exam teacher. Before the lesson, I went to the downstairs lib and Dan and Eve had been sent by the teacher to do the essay they should have done over half term (which I still havent even started) but then our teacher phoned the library and the librarian asked for someone and told her they were not in the downstairs lib and then I was like 'FUQ' IS MUTHRBUQQA COMING TO THE LIB and then I was frequen out like 'GUYS HELP WHAT IF SHE CATCHES ME SQIVING????' and Eve v cleverly suggested I hide in the toilet outside the lib and they'll knock when the coast is clear. Alas, I took my mac and balanced it between the sinks and did some lang coursework but I dont think it saved :[[:[[:[[ after about five minutes Jack Bevo came to inform me I can return so I did and then Eve and I went to period two of english and thankfully managed to avoid teacher.
If you thought the heat was intense, this is when It got satanic: so after working through all of lunch Jack B told me to skive first period of english with him and do it, so I agreed. But whereas he went to form, I had to stay under the radar, hoping id appeared absent all day I skipped form.
But he came. He found us. I don't think he was expecting to see me because he went straight to the two other people who were skiving and then saw me and repeated his questions. Here is how the conversation went:
Assistant head who is our exam lang teacher: 'what are you doing here?'
Me: *Purses lips then subsequently inhales with trepidation and makes it into an 'O' shape, unable to vocalise anything but a wispy fragment of 'ohr'*
Assistant head who is our exam lang teacher: get to my lesson. :-)
But the scariest thing is how calm he was about it. His face displayed no anger; his voice conveyed no aggression.
He was so calm it just felt so cynical like he was saying to me 'I will burn every copy of every book in the world you've ever read or ever wanted to read or ever could read or ever would have read right in front of your eyes. And you cannot stop me.'
So the three of us walked into class, none of us able to hide the guilt or stress or fear with the class grinning so much, but strangely no teacher. Was the center of attention becuase everyone in class wanted to ask me how singapore was and what happened and where the teacher went and latest gossip and how I only just got back to northampton at nine am this morning but it was so good seeing elliott smiling as I sat down next to him, proud of my rebelliousness :3 showed him a few singapore pics and the teacher came back, in a good mood as usual but I couldnt help but feel this grostesque disconcerting feel lingering in the air.
So we went to period two and there were about five people who hadnt printed off their coursework and were just begging miss to let them go library and when I asked her she was just like 'ok' so quietly not even looking at me, slightly derisive but I deserved it. Just as I was running out of the room she called me back like: 'raf I am aware of where you were last period and when and I mean print, not do' to which i replied 'okay thenk you miss' and I've never run so fast from the second floor but becuase It was the end of the day the atrium was wet with cleaning fluid; the traction of my shoes failed me and I catapuled to the ground and recoiled so smoothly I'm dissapointed only callum was there to gently laugh and ask if I was okay, to which I replied 'yeah Im fine' and continue running despite the fact I felt as though Id just been shot in the hip :} upon arriving at the library all the computers were taken but I was so desperate I ran straight to Dan L like 'DANNY PLEASE LET ME JUST PRINT THIS IM DESPERATE PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE' and he was just like 'yeah its okay raf just do it' but then Holly v kindly sacrificed her computer for me but I couldnt find the file!!!!!!! I have so many different versions so disorganised Im not even sure I printed off the correct one but Im not going to risq the regret by checking. Ive honestly never typed so fast in my life. Again, everyone wanted me to talk to them about singapore and the gossip and I think they saw what happened but the stress overcame and I was in both fight and flight mode simultaneously. Good news is that we're going to have mrs b for the double lesson on Friday until the end of the year!! Really miss her she was so kind and funny in year 10 <3
Really shouldn't have gone to school that day, but then you wouln't be reading this. Honestly, the sacrifices I make for you guys <3 is worth every fragment of pain
So here I am <3
"I took a half measure when I should have gone all the way" - one of the greatest quotes of breaking bad
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