Altruism
Another v nice word up there with catharsis
its the concept of acting selflessly; self-sacrifice for others
Do you know what its like to have someone criticise your every step, every microcosmic fragment of a movement, every action you inadvertently burden until you begin to chastise your own thoughts?? This is who my mother is ostensibly marrying. Here are some frustratingly hypocritically things he says plus comments I would riposte, had I, the audacity:
'did you boil the kettle????? you're wasting money by filling it up all the way'
- ok it says min 0.8ltrs and the hard water limescale has clouded the lucidity so you can't tell when it reaches it. So sorry for not being able to judge this minimum value by the weight alone or the metaphysical aqueous forces but evidently the divinity Poseidon was not by my side bc this subversive domestic corruption that is this slight overestimation is surely paralleled to regicide!! Someone hit up ma home g shakespeare bc seems I am the Lady Macbeth herself??? But better safe than sorry bc when you don't hit the eight tenths threshold satan will be freed from the underworld and just as you think your coffee is cool enough to drink he will lick cup's circumference with the core of his forked flesh tongue whilst dipping his tail into the fiery fluid and burn that bitch as he emblazons the brown with his uncoolable satanic embers. Lol I want to do creative writing at university but Im scared Ill be bad bc I can literally only write about satan ://
'do you know how to read??? Well there is a note above the sink telling you to put the dishes away after you wash them and you just let them collect dog hair and germs' + superfluous smite
- well sorry but actually I have 20% of an A* in a level english lit do u even have a gcse bc I don't even think u have a g tbh
'when are you going to get the bus fuqs sake your 17 and you treat me and your mum like a taxi and its really not fair when we're bloody busy so get off your **** and find out when it goes'
- woah audacious one aren't you what do you actually even do??? do you have a life??? or do you just try to absorb every fragment of power when you know you're so close to an irrevocable demise
- mother has never had a problem with it so stop trying to suffuse the burden like you're not the only one who is being unreasonable
- I would HAPPILY walk to school and back EVERY DAY but someone FORCED ME TO MOVE so the least you can do is pick me up from school once or twice a week and not talk to me if your gonna deprecate me more than I do to myself anyway
- also pretty sure a lot of normal teenagers see their friends outside of school thus ask their parents for lifts??? Ive literally never even done that ffs (except miranda omg i miss that day)
- also yes he's definitely the kind of person who would say 'your' instead of 'you're'
more reasons why I hate him
I could live with my dad, but my conscience would forever haunt me because I can't leave my mother with this horrible human and feel okay bc Im okay.
I don't want to be this horrible, selfish, egocentric person michael makes me feel like I am
So that is why I stay: altruism
To culminate on a less morose note, let me imbue you with some recent benevolence
mrs b: oh is the door locked as in locked locked
me: yes :( or its just heavy lol
mrs b: *opens* yes just heavy ah the delicate femininity of the browning strong-arm
Also today we were walking to the train station with cousin and her boyf and outside there were loads of police men + one lady around this woman who was begging people for 'a fag'!! I found it so funny at first bc it was exhilarating feeling like entwined amidst an actual drama piece!! As we walked through the tunnel into the station all we could hear were the screams and the nice police lady who even sat on the floor with her who kind of reminded me of my old enrichment teacher saying 'stop harassing these people (my dad) you've already asked them' and her reply 'ok what are you going to do?? arrest me??', but it wasn't even sassy; it was just raw needfulness. Wanting? Desire? Ephemera? No. She needed this. The train was delayed so I was getting so excited like 'omg can we go back and watch!!!' but by the time we reemerged she was being taken away screaming by the police but someone had given her a cigarette!! Which she tossed away lol bathos epitomised right in front of my eyes! With hindsight, remorse is required bcus I don't think I've ever witnessed such pure desperation: with each 'I just need a fag, please', the pain of false hope was just cruel manipulation at its coldest. I can imagine the disillusionment was equal to realising for all these years only Harper Lee knew the retruth behind Atticus Finch yet he is idolised even by Harvey (albeit satirically) in Suits
But the saddest thing was seeing a woman whose hair was in the tenuous borderline of loosing its pigment too soon, clinging to her plastic bag wrapped box like she was about to have to fragment her final maternalistic bond.
Also nostalgia interspersed with gothic have pervaded my recent music vibes: my favourite song at present is a close one between the 'one that got away' (acoustic version) bc Katy Perry knows how to elicit the poignancy and despite the pain its somewhat cathartic, and also Bloody Mary from Born This Way - GaGa said this song was a tune of her struggle between fantasy and reality (through the gothic and biblical perhaps) which I feel rn bc Im so nostalgic for the past (old house, orthodontist, GCSEs, ) yet amid the abhorrence of the contemporary times there is so much excitement!! Glasses, Watchman, Iceland in a week today omg ten days with mother!!!
And one last thing: been thinking of Amrine lately and I really want to speak to her but I just don't know what to say :( also going to New York should I see Deep???? Or would that be too weird idk
What demarcates disparity between a cat and a comma?
one has a claws at the end of its paws; one is a pause at the end of a clause!! :3
Phrase of the blog: altruistic retribution
'I won't cry for you, I won't crucify the things you do...'
its the concept of acting selflessly; self-sacrifice for others
Do you know what its like to have someone criticise your every step, every microcosmic fragment of a movement, every action you inadvertently burden until you begin to chastise your own thoughts?? This is who my mother is ostensibly marrying. Here are some frustratingly hypocritically things he says plus comments I would riposte, had I, the audacity:
'did you boil the kettle????? you're wasting money by filling it up all the way'
- ok it says min 0.8ltrs and the hard water limescale has clouded the lucidity so you can't tell when it reaches it. So sorry for not being able to judge this minimum value by the weight alone or the metaphysical aqueous forces but evidently the divinity Poseidon was not by my side bc this subversive domestic corruption that is this slight overestimation is surely paralleled to regicide!! Someone hit up ma home g shakespeare bc seems I am the Lady Macbeth herself??? But better safe than sorry bc when you don't hit the eight tenths threshold satan will be freed from the underworld and just as you think your coffee is cool enough to drink he will lick cup's circumference with the core of his forked flesh tongue whilst dipping his tail into the fiery fluid and burn that bitch as he emblazons the brown with his uncoolable satanic embers. Lol I want to do creative writing at university but Im scared Ill be bad bc I can literally only write about satan ://
'do you know how to read??? Well there is a note above the sink telling you to put the dishes away after you wash them and you just let them collect dog hair and germs' + superfluous smite
- well sorry but actually I have 20% of an A* in a level english lit do u even have a gcse bc I don't even think u have a g tbh
'when are you going to get the bus fuqs sake your 17 and you treat me and your mum like a taxi and its really not fair when we're bloody busy so get off your **** and find out when it goes'
- woah audacious one aren't you what do you actually even do??? do you have a life??? or do you just try to absorb every fragment of power when you know you're so close to an irrevocable demise
- mother has never had a problem with it so stop trying to suffuse the burden like you're not the only one who is being unreasonable
- I would HAPPILY walk to school and back EVERY DAY but someone FORCED ME TO MOVE so the least you can do is pick me up from school once or twice a week and not talk to me if your gonna deprecate me more than I do to myself anyway
- also pretty sure a lot of normal teenagers see their friends outside of school thus ask their parents for lifts??? Ive literally never even done that ffs (except miranda omg i miss that day)
- also yes he's definitely the kind of person who would say 'your' instead of 'you're'
more reasons why I hate him
- pretty sure he is a pedophile: my mum is 16 YEARS YOUNGER THAN HIM and he is Jimmy Savile's nephew. And he even looks like him
- My dad made a comment to me that I need to be there for my mum because she's getting old. And its weird bc my dad looks old but he's still so youthful, whereas my mother looks deceivingly young and beautiful, but she's lived for half a century and it makes me sad how Ive missed this in such ignorance.
- Living with someone so old ages you: my mother has sacrificed so much to be with him and I don't know why???
- My mum chose him over my dad?? y
- They met a week after my mum decided to get divorced?? Coincidence??? I think Im right to be suspicious considering how much they keep from me lol preservation of innocence did not work bc inherently corrupted child not even sorry
- For years he kept covering up their relationship in clandestine secrecy like they never even told me they were together until he proposed to her on Xmas 2013 and then I guess they just assumed Id kind of figured?
- He's irrevocably ruined the only two parts of me I actually liked: my hair and teeth. Remember the day before miranda sings he through my retainers down the toilet??? Then had the audacity to phone me up to say 'lol m8 don't worry you probs needed new ones anyway' yes definitely new moulds after five days for my teeth to relapse and get new retainers with these relapsed teeth. Also since moving to the new house, pretty sure Ive lost about 50% of my hair because I genuinely wake up stressed every day and get a rush of adrenaline whenever I see him in fear of his perpetuating contempt
I could live with my dad, but my conscience would forever haunt me because I can't leave my mother with this horrible human and feel okay bc Im okay.
I don't want to be this horrible, selfish, egocentric person michael makes me feel like I am
So that is why I stay: altruism
To culminate on a less morose note, let me imbue you with some recent benevolence
mrs b: oh is the door locked as in locked locked
me: yes :( or its just heavy lol
mrs b: *opens* yes just heavy ah the delicate femininity of the browning strong-arm
Also today we were walking to the train station with cousin and her boyf and outside there were loads of police men + one lady around this woman who was begging people for 'a fag'!! I found it so funny at first bc it was exhilarating feeling like entwined amidst an actual drama piece!! As we walked through the tunnel into the station all we could hear were the screams and the nice police lady who even sat on the floor with her who kind of reminded me of my old enrichment teacher saying 'stop harassing these people (my dad) you've already asked them' and her reply 'ok what are you going to do?? arrest me??', but it wasn't even sassy; it was just raw needfulness. Wanting? Desire? Ephemera? No. She needed this. The train was delayed so I was getting so excited like 'omg can we go back and watch!!!' but by the time we reemerged she was being taken away screaming by the police but someone had given her a cigarette!! Which she tossed away lol bathos epitomised right in front of my eyes! With hindsight, remorse is required bcus I don't think I've ever witnessed such pure desperation: with each 'I just need a fag, please', the pain of false hope was just cruel manipulation at its coldest. I can imagine the disillusionment was equal to realising for all these years only Harper Lee knew the retruth behind Atticus Finch yet he is idolised even by Harvey (albeit satirically) in Suits
But the saddest thing was seeing a woman whose hair was in the tenuous borderline of loosing its pigment too soon, clinging to her plastic bag wrapped box like she was about to have to fragment her final maternalistic bond.
Also nostalgia interspersed with gothic have pervaded my recent music vibes: my favourite song at present is a close one between the 'one that got away' (acoustic version) bc Katy Perry knows how to elicit the poignancy and despite the pain its somewhat cathartic, and also Bloody Mary from Born This Way - GaGa said this song was a tune of her struggle between fantasy and reality (through the gothic and biblical perhaps) which I feel rn bc Im so nostalgic for the past (old house, orthodontist, GCSEs, ) yet amid the abhorrence of the contemporary times there is so much excitement!! Glasses, Watchman, Iceland in a week today omg ten days with mother!!!
And one last thing: been thinking of Amrine lately and I really want to speak to her but I just don't know what to say :( also going to New York should I see Deep???? Or would that be too weird idk
What demarcates disparity between a cat and a comma?
one has a claws at the end of its paws; one is a pause at the end of a clause!! :3
Phrase of the blog: altruistic retribution
'I won't cry for you, I won't crucify the things you do...'
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