Snowprints in the Sand

So again my bitch form tutor pretends to have a nice conversation with me and then sharpens his blade of sadism and presses the kife into my edentate back, disembowelling the vital organs from my back (basically I was stabbed in the back again lol) That's how it feels when someone you once idolised looks upon you with contempt and pushes you into a pit of cement and subsequently breaks you free for a second only to push you back through the now solidified concrete ruins.  So yesterday my form tutor was like 'ah what you reading' and I was like 'wuthering heights' and we had a nice convo about it :-) however, bathos when he asked me what I want to do at uni and I said 'eng lit' and then he basically told me I'll be incapable, saying 'you might want to reconsider/ think v carefully about that because you have to read a book a week'. Like before, he had snitched on me by the very next: today miss dyke was saying good morning to everyone whil...

I will no longer feel fearful. I would say, perhaps, 'perpetual trepidation' but honestly what I have been feeling, it's just pure, raw, tenebrous fear. I fear crossing old teachers in the corridors bc they say 'morning!!!' to me but bcus I forever feel like a cat entrapped on a hot tin roof wanting to be reunited with the glacial embrace of the cold hard ground (goat scream) also just realised isn't 'blank space' just 'I knew you were trouble' after two years of unlearned lessons??? I don't know what's happening but recently everything has become a struggle: to the extent they have pervaded so deep into my core their manifestations are present within my most intrinsic battle - my vocal expressions. If there is one thing I learned from 'The woman who woke up chinese' (still guilt-burdened for laughing about that even now haha) it is that your voice constitutes an integral part of your identity.  I don't know what is going ...

So on wednesday I legit had the perfect day lol exams were over and I only spend about 6 minutes of it out of my bed haha. My awakening thoughts were 'omg idec what time it is; being unburdened of exams I had the best sleep ever'. YES I THINK IN SEMI COLONS OKAY DONT JUDGE me bc SOME DAY I will be ((omg)) all that you want, and gather myself 2geth x bc you keep me from falling apart; All my lyf, I be avec 4 e v to get u thro the day and make everything okai x o x hahaha I forgot I used to do this!! Love this bc I never see it coming but then the lyrics just materialise and spring but omg beaut song <3 so so beaut omg I love leona lewis this song is more beautiful than Leona's alliterative name lol dreamed she was our lodger but never saw her bc always performing haha On Friday I had my clarinet lesson and saw Emma whilst walking home and she kind of coerced me to still attend french lessons next term because one cannot leave her with the unfathomable child tha...