Seven Thousand Snowsephines

So it is the 20th September 2015 and I just can't believe exactly a year ago today I was on the train drawing a picture of a poodle on the back of my letter for Miranda/ Colleen whilst in the presence of both halves of my god twins simultaneously and also this strange african person who kept staring at georgerai and me :(( but a year has gone since this blessed day and this was the best day of my life 

But it has also been seven years since the world was first blessed with the Snowsephine <3 I cannot quite believe that seven years ago today she was probably about three inches long and probably almost hairless and probably ugly and her owners could never have even imagined that someday she would grow the waviest long white hairs and the most beautiful black almond eyes and be at least probably twice the size mayb even bigger and be the most beautiful thing Id ever seen and probably ever will see in my life (ok well I can believe that since they didn't know me)).

Its unfathomable that once she was so helpless and young and had her eyes sealed shut and didn't even have eyelashes and that once she had a family of her own in Cambridge of which Ill never know. This is a life Ill never know.

I wish I could see Snowsephine's mother but she was probably quite old when she had the snow; I doubt she's still alive. 
This is the life I'll never know.

ALSO sorry I never told you guys: on the first day back at school mother was like 'lets go to the house to look after chester' (Christine's dog not our disgutstign mutt) so I complacently accepted and sat on the dining table in the same place as last time and thought back to my final meal there as I looked into the garden where the snowsephine was left to decay and I realised this glassy table is the same milky blue as the blue lagoon but I had no idea last time I was there!! So then I leant against the island opposite the microwave and my mother said 'okay there's something I need to tell you: chester has a heart condition so only has a few weeks left' and then the next day I found out my mother had payed for his medication!! They were going to put him down but my mother paid for painkillers and vets are so expensive so that was v kind v charitable of her but I couldn't help think why didn't they just do it bc prolonging grieving for christine. However, I take it back because Its been like three weeks: I saw him on wednesday and christine hugged me for the first time!!! and he was looking good and I think he's recovering so word up to my mother for saving a pug's life

In the evening (3rd Sept 2015) I sat in the garden and cried after my mother told me that but I muffliesed the tearsilies with the tunes and I was probably just over emotional from not sleeping all night doing work and still having a 2500 coursework investigation to do and missing the house and I said to my mother 'I miss this place so much'
'I know,' she replied. 'We tried to get a six month lease but we had to get a year contract'. (how prose is my tekkers)
so I went back into the kitchen and cried some more but then had a moment of epiphany and returned and whispered 'Wait so DOES THIS MEAN WE'LL COME BACK IN APRIL?????'
and she pressed her fingers to her lips and semantically gestured to michael in the other room and said 'possibly'
But if I could have my old room back and actually be allowed to actually use the nice shower and no michael who won't live there because he's a power freak who feels he has to own the place otherwise he cannot make the inhabitants (me) powerless there, Ill be so happy.
But these past four months have felt like twelve eternities in hell and I don't think I can wait double that time. And also I don't think anyone's contractually compelled to leave after the year lease so to save any disillusionment I think Ill just start living with my dad more.

Eighteen days ago (the last day of summer hol) I had these dreams between 12-2pm on the 2nd September 2015 and it was one of those strange deceitful dreams where its in real time but everything is so surreal but you just accept it - omg what if the literary genre magical realism was inspired by the illogical surreal reality of dreams??!! 

So the dream:

My dad and I were in the kitchen and he was asking me about the band twenty one pilots and my responses consisted of pretending I had little to no idea what he was talking about with faint scowls of confusion and there was an orange sainsbury's balloon floating around and I contemplated going to english lit but was just like: theres some conscientious people in the class but on one is going to be queuing outside miss Ellis' room a day early

well not anymore now that everyone has moved to mrs buckers' class its year nine alllll over again ffs how can she get away with this???
well she won't;
I will not let her
not again

but oh wait I am powerless under the instrumental oppression of this manipulative abusive authority

There was this beautiful glassy moment when there were so many white bichons like snowsephine stepping so close to me but being momentarily frozen by the invisible glassy air and yawning before falling down like feathers in space and it was a mosaic beautiful moments I wished I could stitch together and jump amid when sad :((( I had to snap some photos but only in square mode because only had space for about 4 photos 

Some day Im gonna have SO many poodles I won't need to imagine just step into any room and there'll be enough fur to asphyxiate and tongues to drown 

I also dreamed I went to the reading for the muddy musical vibes and I was in the school cripps atrium upstairs and I had discovered something on my phone that made two new doors appear that were exclusive for police and they sent us to our cells so suppose school had become prison and it was my fault but because Im so invisible no one blamed me because no one probably even remembered me by the time id gone to max securité I guess there are perks of being ignored

I began to be wonder where my baby was (I don't think it was unusual to carry an infant child around this dystopian prison) but I discovered its been trafficked and as a lab rat in the seeing factory 

In abhorrence, I lay on the floor like an epileptic dinosaur and watched as the holographic narration dictated that even the people I thought were closest to me would have 0 chance of saving me. As the people ran all over me, oblivious to the damage, I wondered if all the people are ghosts and their hairs fall out when they comb it but never grow back how do they have so many????? (wow how am I so weird this is why I have no friends) 

How crazy is it that dreams are visualisations of your thoughts yet you can have like sub-thoughts whilst seeing your subconscious thoughts?????????

Then I went back to this chair go search for the evidence and found lots of blue glasses one really cool long one that kind of folded and rolled like a Smart Cover with so many segments 

Then I finally began to cry as I saw the remains through the reflection of the glass and the cavernous hinges and as I was so absorbed by this reality (ironic bc dream) there was a subtle setting development as I found myself sitting next to michael (wtf u thinq ur doing in my dreams go away hah peak for you bc when I wake up Ill have seen you and you'll never even know so the jokes on you even if you are inescapable :-3) he asked asked me some questions and I tried to respond by spinning up this candy floss like a cloud amalgamation; alas I realised this form of response may hinder clarity; the message may be better conveyed via words, so I told him I hate how people expect me to act like an adult but condescend me like a child (dramatic irony award goes to my subconscious because this is him)

Then we walked without a trace (what does this mean) as I told him and found this beautiful purple restaurant but suddenly we found ourselves on a beach which was basically a wide sandy slope like this \  (maybe a slightly less extreme gradient but if it were a scattergraph the correlation would be unequivocally negative) and he faded away as I saw two snowsephines and told my mother to record our delightful reunion (but I heard her bursting photo sounds \I/ oh madre monster why do you do \I/ so had to ensure she was hitting record bc I could not allow this moment to pass without legitimisation) because I had my eye on one of them and I think she'd seen me as she jumped forward a few spaces but took a tentative halt to wait for me just before reaching a wooden bar just emerging from the sand but I was also feeling tentative but also feared she would slip away so I ran down straight to her and sat down submerged a few inches in the water but I could berely feel it because her tongue was soiling my whole face and as we parted from our embrace I saw she was slightly smaller and her fur was softer and lighter and whiter so if this was the snowsephine it was a newly reborn one fresh from the fallen flames 

I traced her collar through the thread of her lead connecting her to her smiling bald owner and as I looked back down I thought thjs may not be the snowsephine 

But I didn't care: I still loved her

But was it really her, or the image I had painted of her that I continued to hold on to?
and everything faded to white as I awoke at it was like 1:50pm and before I had time to question my sanity I started typing away to prevent cognitive decay, but I was okay