Façades

What infuriates me the most is when everyone loves someone and I'm just like w h y \ | / ; only I know the truth, but I can't say anything because it's better to live in oblivion than know the abhorrence of the truth. 

I think I've worked quite hard - I was one mark off a D in my first exam essay. I'm finding the transition from gcse to a level extremely difficult - even worse than year 6 to year 7 and I don't appreciate being slagged off to my favourite department when I have 30 pages left and there's people who've barely even touched the book. You're supposed to be able to confidentially confide in a form tutor and respect the trust. I was almost happy because after thinking she was angry with me miss dyke was really nice to me but then the head of KS5 lit stopped me outside form this morning and made me feel like in all her 50 years of teaching a level she couldn't have even imagined this could ever happen. And I'm pretty sure I've done a lot more work than a lot of people, since I'm only twenty pages from the end of our coursework book and I've read Oranges are not the only fruit in addition for wider reading. And I know for a fact most people haven't even touched chosen wider reading novel. You don't know watt it's like when your brain is perpetually screaming, distracting, deterring you from concentrating (I think I have ADD) yet no one else can hear it; I absorb the brunt if it. Likewise, the teachers are oblivious that many A level literature students haven't even done so much, yet my form tutor thinks it's okay to slag me off to all my teachers, even those who aren't my teachers, thus hindering our relationship. This is what I'll say to my form tutor, had I the audacity. But I can't even look at him without wanting to murder him. I miss miss Carolan so much :( dreamed I was in her form again :(((

I wonder if I purposely got a D in gcse English language to make my teacher (my current form tutor) look bad. I hope I did. (Subconsciously). And I'm not the only person he's snitched on, yet still everyone thinks he's a really nice person but actually he's really rude and doesn't even know the full story and it's really stressing me out knowing the important teachers to me feel abhorred by me. THE PREJUDICE. and I hate talking about it bcus it just ignites my loathing and makes me more sad. 

However, I'm kind of looking forward to next week: the majority of my year will have wasted £300 getting cold and wet whilst being condescended by the PGL people whilst I teach the year 7s German :-) hopefully it will be nice being one of the only people in my year bc h8 my year 

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