Shadow

YGood word bcus connotations of darkness and concealed malevolence lurking amid. Also a good antagonist hedgehog from sonic <3

Some highlights from this week: on Thursday I was begging my mother to let me be 'sick' bcus hadn't done any work for any of my lessons (didn't tell her that though bcus then I'd taint her perceptions of me and would have to reveal all I do every evening is watch about 5 eps of prison break) but she coerced me to go and I was already having the worst day ever bcus got citrus shampoo in my eyes, when oscillating in pain my heavy wet hair knocked EVERYTHING off the shelf, and trying to replace everyone's cleansing and conditioning items can be a v harrowing experience when it's so slippery and utilisation of eyes is hindered by this incineratingly acidic substances. And plus, I forgot my headphones which is so frustrating when you constantly have these songs screaming in your mind, wanting to be played, it's just insatiable like my desire for cashew butter. Knew I'd have to skive sprec (as per lol) bcus poetry essay which I was unprepared for plus folder checks and one is about six/ twelve poems behind??? It was actually quite a good day!! English teacher wasn't in again so I couldn't laugh at her voice :(( but thankfully the essay was a breeze, but a lot less painful than my citrus breeze shampoo when interspersed with the eye, bcus just wrote about the poems about cancer ppl and dying relationships (so basically breaking bad) so went well. Also v dehydrating day so raised my hand but teacher was fixated on computer thus couldn't see me; Jed kindly shouted out 'Miss, Raf has a quenchon' and I said 'thanq Jed pls may I refill my water miss?' And then she said 'yes' and then Dan said 'could you fill mine' and so did Lydia and so did Tino (as a joke) so I went down carrying three bottles between my fingers which is actually quite hard, and the water was drizzling out at a constant velocity of about 1ml per 12seconds, thus about 10 minutes later i had filled all three of our bottles almost half way and was like 'soz guys was all I could get' and Dan was like 'y u no just utilise tap????' Ok soZ next time I'll just feed you RICIN (a poisonous motif in breaking bad). Although I lost 10 minutes I reimbursed that (slightly) when we were marking our essays at the end. Missed morning form bcus was trying to avoid going to school but managed to be on time for psychol, albeit fretch out the shower v wet dogglie-esque. though the rate my hairs shedding soon i fear I will actually look like a poodle 🐩😶

Afternoon form was good though bcus most intense convo about prison break with George and we're gonna try and watch it simultaneously lol GD LUCK WITH THAT cuz I watch like 21 eps a week so peak 4

Lunch was good bcus Charles and I spent the final ten minutes in the main library and sat in the same place on the table where we used to meet almost every morning before school for years :((( oh how I miss that :((( the memories of skipping/ galloping in accompanied by the vocal interspersion of singing and screening 'CHARLSLEYEISY!!!!' but what truly made me sad was how it just didn't feel the same... Idk I knew it was the same place but it felt so much further than it used to feel situated if ygm?? But then I saw it: 

OMG WHAT THE HECK WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS. HOW COULD THEY DISREPT THE LIBRARY EQUILIBRIUM. WHEN DID THIS SURREPTITOUs OCCURRECE OCCUR. HOW COULD THIS GO UNNOTICED 

Been so distracted by recent discovery of new music lol even had my phone confiscated in class also today the song 'Up' by elicited tears?? Probs just bcus reminded me of prison break when she nearly got molested 😰

Last Saturday I received the kindest message from a v surreptitious fan (thank you Jacob!!!!) who reccomended I listen to Rae Morris bcus she's kind of like a chilled out GaGa/Sia and OMG i became so attached to the song 'under the shadows' which deserves eternal emboldening I immediately bought the album. The song is SO beautiful bcus it's dark (a clever stylistic and melodic twist bcus darkness is adverse to the title's connotstions) and somewhat ominous with v metaphysical undertones. It's the perfect song to turn off all the lights in your room, closing the door as you fall against it cascading to the floor, but leaving the lights on in the hallway to allow just a few rays to seep through; to allow the supressé illumination to creep through the cracks, bleeding through your doorframe like the fragmented permeation of your bleeding heart, continually aching and pulsating despite the damage, supressé by the superficiality of your skin; forever concealed; never repealed; to never be healed.