I was a troubled child. Nostalgic Thursday though 🌷

Although afternoon form was really nice engaging in a benevolent spoken exchange with Georgerai which consisted of dogs and blogs and music and sick rhymes :3, morning form made me sad throughout the day: Christopher wrote on the board 'what would be the reply to this: 'can I go to the toilet please sir'. When he asked me what the answer would be, I said 'yes pretty sure you are capeable of urinating...', to which he replied 'you must have a v pedantic teacher: can't get my year sevens to understand this'. It worries me that chew was teaching us the same thing that year 7s are learning :/ . However, he asked me if english is going okay and of ive finished brighton Rock yet -.- which brê titterd me off bcus  all I said was 'yes', but what I was thinking was 'Um yes in fact just three days after you slagged me off to all the teachers who used to like me and just one day after the head of ks5 eng came and reproached me for being a 'fool', which in fact was about a month before most people finished it. & Not just in my class: yours too. You think your class is so innocent... furthermore, I was probs the only person who'd finished the wider reading novel in time for the essay. And youre surprised that half your class are not doing a traditional analysis coursework?' But I can't say this bcus probs no one would believe because they all think I'm lazy compared to everyone else and theyd forever be suspichous of the future year twelves, since their reaction suggested that they think I'm the only one :(. Taking one for the team l4ds. LE cp. Lol had a dream about Lee and cp but without the cp

Psychology was scary: I'm worried about my childhood because we've been learning about the repercussions of your relationship with your mother when you were an infant and the effect on ability to attach to people in adult life 

If it all went okay then no probs

But if you were a kid who avoided socialising and forming emotional bonds with other people, it can cause one to ultimately doubt the existence of love existing thus not be able to form close relationships in the future without pushing people away!!! Epitome of my life!!! Since I have a good relationship with my mother now (albeit since she works from 3-9pm like every day I only see her about 4 hours a week), I assumed it would have always been good. But perhaps it was all deception :((:(. The continuity hypothesis States that if the first attachment formed with another human is not good, future attachments to people may be hindered. Maybe this is why I like dogs so much because they never let you down throughout they're entire life, yet perhaps I have a perpetual subconscious but inadvertent mistrust for humans because of the abhorrence of their childhood. Also  people with autism and sociopathy/ psychopaths often struggled to attach as babies. Just saying but uncanny parallels and correlations with me... 

Maths was good because I was the only one who could even do it 

Break was good because caught up with anas!! Fun fact: pineapple is 'anas' is basically every language. Yh sick1 english cuz it's really like an apple isn't it 

SPORT AND REC WAS ACTUALLY GOOD!!! I actually did something this week!!! Falling asleep on the bike, pretending to pedal backwards to evoke an illusion of effort with negative resistance, listening to Illuminati by Katie Perry I mean Prism soz, a primary school peep reminded me of a joke which apparently 'to this day' was the funniest thing she's ever heard in her life. This was daunting because external people scare me enough, but this was someone from my past. Someone I was once called a friend. And the past is a harrowing place. Admittedly, I don't know what harrowing means but pretty sure it works. However, even though it was the most hilarious joke (allegedly - she wasn't sure weather it would still be funny or just then), all she could recall was it had something to do with the alphabet + teacher??? Equivocal images and people began to flood my memory. Metaphorically, of course. It took me a few minutes, but I managed to reconstruct an equivocal version of the joke. It went something like this: 

Teachr: ok hwk to learn first five letter of alphabeté

Diz kid: dad what letter of alphabet 

dad: *playing darts* 180

Diz kid: lil bro what letter of alphabet is sekond

Lil bro: action man!!!

Other Fam member: famalan what third letter of alphabet: driving in my (mum's) broom broom car (get out) [soz LUV tish]

Diz kid: Big sis what's next letter??

Sis: *listenjng to music* lalallalalallala 

Then somehow he got in trouble with teacher and she was like: woah sass BOI HOO do yoo think you are???? (Running around leaving scars, collecting your jar of hearts

TEARING LOVE APART

YOU GONNA CATCH A COLD

FROM THE ICE, INSIDE YOUR SOUL

DONT COME BACK FOR ME

DONT COME BACK AT ALLLLLLL

Omg I'm so sorry but I'm in tears rn this song means so much to me. It reminds me of late 2011 which was the start of year nine & when I went to Jimmy Savile's funeral :/// and my hair was too Bieber too swag and interspersion of good and bad memories but with hindsight it's all just abhorrent (ABSTAINED FROM USING THE WORD SO LONG SOZ HAD TO). But if I could, I wouldn't forget it because what doesn't kill you makes you strongé 

STAND A LITTLE TALLER

firstly: oxymoronic - 'little taller' siq paradox there kelly klarkson. Als really Rude and POLLITICALLY INCORRECT - 'vertically unchallenged' would be more approprié Je pense que. 

BACK TO JOEK SOZ TANGÉNT 

ok so somehow he got into trouble with the teacher idek how and oh wait soz not going there Christina Perri y u make me cry :((( so her subsequent retort was that 'how old you think you are?????' 

Diz kid: 180 

Tichr: HOW U GON GET OUT OF THIS 

Diz kid: in me mums car broom broom 

Tichr: U EVEN LISTENING TO ME????!

Kid: lalallalalalallaal

We both agreed it wasn't actually funny anymore; apparently it was my exicution which elicited the humour haha back when I was a confident extroverted outgoing child, the polar antithesis of who I am today hahaha what ever happened to me :(. She was laughing throughout, but probably just of the awe of overwhelming nostalgia and my memory!!!

Psychology fact about long term memory: Memories are always with us, it's just sometimes we have trouble remembering them. Ironic??

Then, the lads called me over to the leg press and we did some hardcore leg workout!! Bre nostalgic because it reminded me of when I used to do bré hardcore gym seshes :(( although it's awkward that can only do about a quarter or a sixty fourth of the weight that Jason and Joe can lift, they're nice and I know they don't judge me. Last year Jason was praising my Veganism 🌷

Also lunch was lovely because Charlie left us after like 10 minutes and I needed some sadness after such an abhorrently mediocre-good day. Then Elliott & I decided to search for the Toppingshaw to see if she'd marked our Lang coursework!!! But she was with pête locké:((:) then I bought a salad which was about 98% couscous and also it really annoys me how they intertwine the grated carrots with raisins. It's nice with couscous but really??? Oh I'm SoZ but there appears to be some cheese in the raisins. Y they even do it. And I was 5p short!!! But the lady was just like 'don't worza' which was kind of her and partially constituted the benevolence of the day :-) 

In english literature we just watched a play called 'look back in anger' about an angry guy. The actor looked and acted exactly like Sam Gellard!!! And I got my second essay on the struggle for identity back and I'd improved by an entire grade!!! Id gone from an E to a D, however both times I was one mark off the D and C boundries respectively. Although it's not the most interesting theme for an exams when we're focusing on identities regarding gender and gay rights and culture it can be quite interesting 🌷