Happy Blog
okay sorry if the last blog was sad thus to recompense one will provide a vignette of the recent benevolence despite the rife of malevolence in the abhorrence of this life
On Wednesday it was the last mr chew english lesson with elliott which he was rudely v happy about but it was fun bcus when mr chew went out michael accidentally called me and elliott answered and immediately got scared lol also we took lots of slow mo videos and it elicited much poignancy, wishing that lesson could go slow mo because of all the lessons all year, this was the one lesson I didn't want to end :'(
Upon Elliott's revelation to Mr Chew that this would be his last lesson with him, I kept my eyes down, partly in denial, partly to quarantine myself from mr chew's uplifting fake crying haha. His response consisted of 'Raf who are you gonna buddy up with then??' to which I replied 'Im not Ill just be on my own all year :((' thankfully we've still got a lesson with browning together though <3 thereafter I'll probs never hear from him again, oh such is the impermanence of life
French was lovely because molly turned up for once and one has always been distrusting of her because she turns up about once a month??? For the final few minutes we had to work together and it was nice not to be overwhelmed for once because we both know we'll never get higher than a C in contrast to the rest of the class who will all get As and we had a funny few minutes just trying but failing to sustain conversation haha also hardly even felt anxious or awkward even though I barely know her and I don't think she likes me but because we were both just so hopeless the frivolity superseded this and it was a nice culmination to the day. Also Emma was kind because idk how but she knew I was depleted of paper thus lent me two sheets of her oxford paper when I needed it the most just and I felt venerated like when Mr D gave me his banana when I hadn't had one for weeks and said I could eat it in class but didn't </3 aw I'm gonna miss the French squad so much can't believ we've only got three more days/lessons ensemble before our monarchal dissolution :((:(
After school when collecting my clarinet Saskia saw me in the Cripps (lol why is it called that did the ppl be disabled upon its construction???) and she was like: "Raf!!!!! I got you some vegan stuff!!!!!!" so I followed her into the theatre and she handed me a brown paper bag (thanking me once more for doing the presentation) containing a packet of pure plant-derived marshmallows and chocolate buttons and she was so kind; such benevolence had occurred.
Psychology on thursday was so good because I brought my headphone splitters and Jack kindly imbued me with his beautiful and insightful {[albeit somewhat trippy]} electronic dance music and the feelings elicited were akin to that of licking your teeth for the first time after getting your braces off
Lunch was so nice because I actually bought the meal for the first tiem in about forever!! and I had a banana and some fruit and coconut curry and the god king charles III guided me through how to survive it :] lol but seriously chaz is right i do actually deprive myself of food slightly too much and its just become normal for me so I didn't realise it but I almost felt anew after actually going less than 10 hours without eating for once. Also thank you for still looking over me omnipotent lord cahrli even though we have no lessons together or anything v omnipotent not so omnipresent but always omnibenevolent
Also last night I dreamed I was in the school concourse and the system had become so corrupt; I was so powerless to do anything. Consequently, after being overcharged for my lunch I smashed my plate as I preceded to smash everyone else's. Legit every day I want to do this lol but I usually just end up throwing my books/ papers all over the floor :/// thus exacerbating my stress when I somehow manage to drop my essay into the unknown realm.
It's annoying because I really dp want to revise so so much because I'm more than willing to spend the time because I love my subjects ((and ngl don't have anything better to do except blog and sleep)) but I just can't!!! Literally I just don't know what to do: Ive done nothing today; yesterday I set my alarm for 8am and by 10pm all I'd done was an A4 side of words, a lot of metaphysical thinking, and staring at the cracks in my walls and wondering if they resonate with or reflect my fragmenting soul, or that perhaps there are really no cracks in the wall and its just my unconscious mind breaking free and visually screaming at me but Im blind to its words.
In the evening on thursday I was so stressed especially since we just got our poetry essay marked and wider reading list for A2 Lit which I managed to loose and spend all evening in a spindrift of futility trying to find :)):) Thus I dug up an old tub of body shop hand moisturiser and scooped handfuls of it and smoothed it over my fingers and hands. Must have lost awareness of time because the mother returned and came in and I don't think I'd been so speechless since the day Mr Chew caught me skiving.... lol got a C in my coursework so it was worth it I thinkk (double k)
But she just laughed and I tried to transfer some to her as she escaped and I washed the cream down the sink, somehow not sad because although my mother disagreed, I wasted not a single drop because my hands were so soft for about a minute however, lord Satan must have seen because by the time I returned to my room they'd dehydrated like an overripe raison.
After concert band I walked back to the old house and I felt so good once again; I decided to revisit ARTPOP and the bass on 'Donatella' ignited this wave of unparalleled covert sassiness that I thought had been perpetuating in a state of dormancy but sadly the memories of 'Gypsy' have become so blurred and distorted idk what I feel anymore because I couldn't decipher the inextricability of the images envisaged but after not listening to it for so long it was almost like listening to it for the first time again <3 Towards the end of the journey I realised its been a while since I listened to Lea Michelle so concluded the walk with 'Cue the Rain' which elicited so many memories of the final episode of Prison Break <//3 finished it over easter and it was so good :(( thank you v much georgerai for telling me about it I hope Breaking Bad changes your life as it did for me
Upon returning I spent about 20 minutes reunited once more with my purple mug and the puppies <3
I greeted the pug and boiled some water and ate an apple and felt so free like an electron in a sea with other free electrons :}
The pretty girl puppy who looks like summer (but brown) has been sold and is going on the seventh of May (day of election and french speaking) :( lol been having countless nightmares about the exam I just hope the examiner will finish my sentences for me bcus unless I can extemporise quite a few fabricated french words there may be a permeating motif of incompletion to my ideas ://
Ah I miss our garden <3 legit no idea y this is upside down and soz but I don't think my hair has ever looked so smooth. Also how is it still purple 1 year 4 months after dying it??? Also get this:
where the purple starts is where the roots used to be w t a f is your mind boggled bcus hell oui je suis
On Wednesday it was the last mr chew english lesson with elliott which he was rudely v happy about but it was fun bcus when mr chew went out michael accidentally called me and elliott answered and immediately got scared lol also we took lots of slow mo videos and it elicited much poignancy, wishing that lesson could go slow mo because of all the lessons all year, this was the one lesson I didn't want to end :'(
Upon Elliott's revelation to Mr Chew that this would be his last lesson with him, I kept my eyes down, partly in denial, partly to quarantine myself from mr chew's uplifting fake crying haha. His response consisted of 'Raf who are you gonna buddy up with then??' to which I replied 'Im not Ill just be on my own all year :((' thankfully we've still got a lesson with browning together though <3 thereafter I'll probs never hear from him again, oh such is the impermanence of life
French was lovely because molly turned up for once and one has always been distrusting of her because she turns up about once a month??? For the final few minutes we had to work together and it was nice not to be overwhelmed for once because we both know we'll never get higher than a C in contrast to the rest of the class who will all get As and we had a funny few minutes just trying but failing to sustain conversation haha also hardly even felt anxious or awkward even though I barely know her and I don't think she likes me but because we were both just so hopeless the frivolity superseded this and it was a nice culmination to the day. Also Emma was kind because idk how but she knew I was depleted of paper thus lent me two sheets of her oxford paper when I needed it the most just and I felt venerated like when Mr D gave me his banana when I hadn't had one for weeks and said I could eat it in class but didn't </3 aw I'm gonna miss the French squad so much can't believ we've only got three more days/lessons ensemble before our monarchal dissolution :((:(
After school when collecting my clarinet Saskia saw me in the Cripps (lol why is it called that did the ppl be disabled upon its construction???) and she was like: "Raf!!!!! I got you some vegan stuff!!!!!!" so I followed her into the theatre and she handed me a brown paper bag (thanking me once more for doing the presentation) containing a packet of pure plant-derived marshmallows and chocolate buttons and she was so kind; such benevolence had occurred.
Psychology on thursday was so good because I brought my headphone splitters and Jack kindly imbued me with his beautiful and insightful {[albeit somewhat trippy]} electronic dance music and the feelings elicited were akin to that of licking your teeth for the first time after getting your braces off
Lunch was so nice because I actually bought the meal for the first tiem in about forever!! and I had a banana and some fruit and coconut curry and the god king charles III guided me through how to survive it :] lol but seriously chaz is right i do actually deprive myself of food slightly too much and its just become normal for me so I didn't realise it but I almost felt anew after actually going less than 10 hours without eating for once. Also thank you for still looking over me omnipotent lord cahrli even though we have no lessons together or anything v omnipotent not so omnipresent but always omnibenevolent
Also last night I dreamed I was in the school concourse and the system had become so corrupt; I was so powerless to do anything. Consequently, after being overcharged for my lunch I smashed my plate as I preceded to smash everyone else's. Legit every day I want to do this lol but I usually just end up throwing my books/ papers all over the floor :/// thus exacerbating my stress when I somehow manage to drop my essay into the unknown realm.
It's annoying because I really dp want to revise so so much because I'm more than willing to spend the time because I love my subjects ((and ngl don't have anything better to do except blog and sleep)) but I just can't!!! Literally I just don't know what to do: Ive done nothing today; yesterday I set my alarm for 8am and by 10pm all I'd done was an A4 side of words, a lot of metaphysical thinking, and staring at the cracks in my walls and wondering if they resonate with or reflect my fragmenting soul, or that perhaps there are really no cracks in the wall and its just my unconscious mind breaking free and visually screaming at me but Im blind to its words.
In the evening on thursday I was so stressed especially since we just got our poetry essay marked and wider reading list for A2 Lit which I managed to loose and spend all evening in a spindrift of futility trying to find :)):) Thus I dug up an old tub of body shop hand moisturiser and scooped handfuls of it and smoothed it over my fingers and hands. Must have lost awareness of time because the mother returned and came in and I don't think I'd been so speechless since the day Mr Chew caught me skiving.... lol got a C in my coursework so it was worth it I thinkk (double k)
But she just laughed and I tried to transfer some to her as she escaped and I washed the cream down the sink, somehow not sad because although my mother disagreed, I wasted not a single drop because my hands were so soft for about a minute however, lord Satan must have seen because by the time I returned to my room they'd dehydrated like an overripe raison.
After concert band I walked back to the old house and I felt so good once again; I decided to revisit ARTPOP and the bass on 'Donatella' ignited this wave of unparalleled covert sassiness that I thought had been perpetuating in a state of dormancy but sadly the memories of 'Gypsy' have become so blurred and distorted idk what I feel anymore because I couldn't decipher the inextricability of the images envisaged but after not listening to it for so long it was almost like listening to it for the first time again <3 Towards the end of the journey I realised its been a while since I listened to Lea Michelle so concluded the walk with 'Cue the Rain' which elicited so many memories of the final episode of Prison Break <//3 finished it over easter and it was so good :(( thank you v much georgerai for telling me about it I hope Breaking Bad changes your life as it did for me
Upon returning I spent about 20 minutes reunited once more with my purple mug and the puppies <3
I greeted the pug and boiled some water and ate an apple and felt so free like an electron in a sea with other free electrons :}
The pretty girl puppy who looks like summer (but brown) has been sold and is going on the seventh of May (day of election and french speaking) :( lol been having countless nightmares about the exam I just hope the examiner will finish my sentences for me bcus unless I can extemporise quite a few fabricated french words there may be a permeating motif of incompletion to my ideas ://
Ah I miss our garden <3 legit no idea y this is upside down and soz but I don't think my hair has ever looked so smooth. Also how is it still purple 1 year 4 months after dying it??? Also get this:
where the purple starts is where the roots used to be w t a f is your mind boggled bcus hell oui je suis
On friday I went to my dads and it was such a relief!! To feel almost unburdened of this irrevocable stress bcus this past week has actually felt like months and suddenly I'm back and it feels so relaxed and almost normal again. My dad went out with work ppl on friday so It was weird being completely alone and not just quarantined in my room and I made some pasta and watched Question Time and adored yet envied Ed Milliband's power beucase although he's not as strong as Cameron, he does strike the strings of emotions which all the other politicians fail to do. Both major and minor chords <3 But I can't stop analysing their power after studying politics and power in English for about 8 continual months lol
Yesterday the jealousy was so peak because my dad went to an Airshow and saw Luther!!!! Guys as in Idris Elba Legit (not Luther as in the Asian-American King of the civil rights movement in Japan) He didn't get to speak to him bcus he walked off but he got a selfie v near him hahaha could not quite beleav
also white dog looks so much older now </3 I hope I'll see him once more before he's gone, but I must remember that I may never know when it will be our last encounter.
I hope this blog has elicited at least some elation but if not, listen to 'I really like you' by Carly Rae Jepson bcus guarantee you'll feel so much happier especially after seeing tom hanks lip sync to C-Rae Jep haha I love her name
Comments
Post a Comment