To recompense the decadence

here is where Im @ since last blog

on friday I went to school to hand in my incomplete coursework and then as I arrived at the team base miss dyke was outside!! and we immediately exchanged smiles as she said hi and I said hello and I was happy to see her bc it had been three months and after months of her haunting my dreams with the contemptuous viridescence of her eyes and the soul destroying power of her voice I no longer feared her. But the second I saw her I couldn't help but envision her unapologetic cruelness and realised she probably doesn't even remember??? like when she saw me all she probably thought was wtf ok so there is definitely a positive correlation between hair length and nose size 

but the thing is I don't feel as though I saw her eyes when I spoke to her; to see the green is to remember year nine when she first came here and the malice in her soul masqueraded by an electric 

and its weird because Ive known her for four years and Ive seen her potential for evil but do I really know her???? I literally have no idea who she is even after all these years

just remember you may have known a person throughout all the different eras of your lives all of your lives but you can be so repressive like a cloistress and so can they that all you'll ever know is a superficial facade of colour and oceans and ripples from an autumn leaf that falls into the stream of subconsciousness

I feel like I'm burdened with repeated fragments from my past that they cycle so continually though my mind that I cannot forget the regret and it burns my soul every waking moment and I hate myself for being so obsessive and self-deprecating and deluding myself into thinking Ill see him at the threshold and that extra whiteboard pen I didn't realise I picked up? that wasn't in vain because hell be there even though I probably don't even cross his mind so Im gonna see the doctor bc in ppsychol we started OCD and we looked at the criteria for assessing it and I was just like ?????? Ive been doing these things all my lives all three of them okay thats not true because one cannot demarcate when one life ended and another started because the blur between my past deaths and rebirths is too tenuous to quantify. 

So after searching the school for the chew dogglie I handed my folder in to reception and emailed him to beg for his forgiveness for not finding him but he replied and said he got it so we're cool as a g 

Im on season three of the walking dead and the person died and I cried for at least twelve minutes and it was so good I haven't properly cried since I died the other day 

then I researched nose jobs in japan bc hoping to spend a year abroad there at uni but apparently you gotta work with what you got so fiqu mother for not giving me any of your noses

also I want to write a letter to miranda sings to let her know some day Ill be showing a rhinoplastic surge a pic of her nose to emulate on me and to thank her for all the angles bc I know it so well and I need it now

also being so secluded from reality for all this time since school finished Ive been thinking here is my book: 

searching for the failen sia all the zomblies grow the sia hairs and to diguiserai amidst the blood thirsty singers you have to pluck out all the eyebrows and grow a sia hairs and sing she wolf by sia and then you 

and after a lifetime of surviving, but never living, the protagonist never finds the orthodontist and the sia remains a myth 

yesterday I awoke at about 3pm and sautéed some aubergines and broccoli ((don't judge you won't understand until you're a malnourished vegan)) and watched x factor like all day and I think I fell in love with simon lynch and monica michael and her brother with his tall slim frame and curliest hairs and drakest eyes oh my god how did she write that the lyrics were basic but powerful and the tune was so dark and melancholic but oh my god I was so mad when rita didn't chose her :[{{[[ also one cannot describe in words how much I hate cheryl and rita and this show is becoming more sadistic and voyeristic every second wtf also the best part of the show was watching the tears of disillusionment transcend the heat of dubai with their icy raindrops of death as the judges revealed this is the end

hold your breath

and count 

(12345678910)

to ten 

ALSO HELLO oh my gwad I so needed this I feel like Ive become so desensitised to music but this song with its basic lyrics but such powerful tune was exactly what I needed right now 

also I was washing the dogs today (thats a lie my mum was washing them and I was chapsnatting them) and chester looked SO UG|lY it was unreal but his colours blended like a caramel cocoa stream interspersing with a chocolate river

and then it was summer's turn and I realised: what if they're zombies how the heck would we even know???? Driven by a visceral blood lust but her conscious mind taking over every time that fearful lick threatens to become a bite as she tears off my eyelashes revealing a claw facade

plot twist: the eyelashes become nails and the nails become eyebrows and the eyebrows become eyelashes and the hairs 

qotb: what do you see in those yellow eyes

- the sia in the she wolf idk how but I feel this just epitomises the quintessence of the message of this v doodle blog this is what happens when you demand a blog when I'm not ready IM TALKING TO YOU CHARLIE

you ask for a blog with no purpose

and you unlock the insanity  

so goodbye from the other side