Transcending change
Hello I saw my therapist on Thursday and oh my god I love him
He told me he's so proud of my progress :3 and honestly at first I thought he was trying to make me a drug addict lmao but 100mg of sertraline hydrochloride yis please roll em up boi 😎
Last time I was there he asked me about my mother's boyf and I just went silent and eventually my mum realised and in the car she said to me 'y u no say anything????' but yet again, I had not the power to speak. This week, before my parents left so I could have some privacy with him I was getting scared so I was like 'ahh mother what do I say to him????' and she just said to me 'you can speak to him about michael if you want, I know you wont talk to him about me but you know youre the most important person to me in the world' oh mother u bae
but then I said 'thenq moth but sorry charlie said he's the most important person in my life sorry but I promise youre second!!' then she left and it was just the two of us and we spoke of many things, from the adverse effects to generalised concerns, but eventually I said to him
'I know theres probably so many things that caused my depression, but Ive been thinking I think my mum's boyf may have been a contributing cause'
therapist: 'y u thinq it rafadood?'
raf the dood: 'its just after eight months of living in fear of someone who everyday criticises your every move and makes you feel like a horrible human being, u kinda just start to beleaf it'
he told me I should tell my mum the truth bc between him and me he said my mother would chose me undoubtedly and I acc believed it but only bc she said it lol. Also he legit said I should say to him your not my dad so bitch better stop otherwise
he asked why I never told my mother and I said that its clear she must love him (in some twisted but real way) so I just cant???? how can I tell the one person I love more than anyone in the world that the one person theyve sacrificed there soul for is a literal psychopathic bitch???? But he said I should bc either he should change if he really cares about my mum or she doesnt deserve that bitch haha I told you I love him only problem is that he's too old and too psychopathic to change
But the key revelation we came to that day was my fear: its change.
And this is why I ignore my ventromedial hypothalamus when it secretes the hunger hormones.
I feel so powerless my only source of power is by not eating
He told me he's so proud of my progress :3 and honestly at first I thought he was trying to make me a drug addict lmao but 100mg of sertraline hydrochloride yis please roll em up boi 😎
Last time I was there he asked me about my mother's boyf and I just went silent and eventually my mum realised and in the car she said to me 'y u no say anything????' but yet again, I had not the power to speak. This week, before my parents left so I could have some privacy with him I was getting scared so I was like 'ahh mother what do I say to him????' and she just said to me 'you can speak to him about michael if you want, I know you wont talk to him about me but you know youre the most important person to me in the world' oh mother u bae
but then I said 'thenq moth but sorry charlie said he's the most important person in my life sorry but I promise youre second!!' then she left and it was just the two of us and we spoke of many things, from the adverse effects to generalised concerns, but eventually I said to him
'I know theres probably so many things that caused my depression, but Ive been thinking I think my mum's boyf may have been a contributing cause'
therapist: 'y u thinq it rafadood?'
raf the dood: 'its just after eight months of living in fear of someone who everyday criticises your every move and makes you feel like a horrible human being, u kinda just start to beleaf it'
he told me I should tell my mum the truth bc between him and me he said my mother would chose me undoubtedly and I acc believed it but only bc she said it lol. Also he legit said I should say to him your not my dad so bitch better stop otherwise
he asked why I never told my mother and I said that its clear she must love him (in some twisted but real way) so I just cant???? how can I tell the one person I love more than anyone in the world that the one person theyve sacrificed there soul for is a literal psychopathic bitch???? But he said I should bc either he should change if he really cares about my mum or she doesnt deserve that bitch haha I told you I love him only problem is that he's too old and too psychopathic to change
But the key revelation we came to that day was my fear: its change.
And this is why I ignore my ventromedial hypothalamus when it secretes the hunger hormones.
I feel so powerless my only source of power is by not eating
Perpetuating hunger. Honestly, hunger is power and I know thats wrong but I've been reffered to an eating disorder clinic bc I had my BMI taken and its legit less than my age lol
But I've accepted that I'm no longer the rafadood I used to be in fact I dont think I was ever him so Im gonna let go and unburden myself of this shadow I've held on to all these years
But I've accepted that I'm no longer the rafadood I used to be in fact I dont think I was ever him so Im gonna let go and unburden myself of this shadow I've held on to all these years
So hilp me chose i hev a few ideas but pls i need u guys more than ever rn x
tealisthenewpurple.blospot.com
pros: subtle orange is the new black allusion
cons: may inadvertently be read as tea-list-hen-ew-purp-le
cons: sacrilege
suprafragmented.blogspot.comcons: may inadvertently be read as tea-list-hen-ew-purp-le
cons: sacrilege
pros: sounds pretty coool
cons: wtf
cons: wtf
metafragmental.blogspot.com
pros: sounds pretty good also ngl
cons: fragmentatal is deffo not even a word
Metapsychosis.blogspot.com
pros: true
cons: too true
Poodlesandpathos.blogspot.com
pros: alliteration
cons: no thanks
Purplepsychosis.blogspot.com
pros: purple
cons: it has the word 'pleps' in which I'm starting to think isn't much of a con
Overtheundercast.blogspot.com ( ayyyy y y l m a o o o )
Lustralisedtenebrosity.blogspot.com
pros: none
cons: none
Breaktheneurosis.blogspot.com
pros: a multitude of interpretations
cons: neurosis is a broken mind so if it's broken why exacerbate the breaking??
Psychopathicpoodle.blogspot.com
pros: this is lit me
cons: scary
Psychopathicdoodle.blogspot.com
pros: same as above (minus mitigation)
cons: (same as above but fewer trepidation incited)
Transcendingmalevolence.blogspot.com
pros: balance of dark and psychic vibes
Transcendingmalevolence.blogspot.com
pros: balance of dark and psychic vibes
cons: idk
Theabhorrenceof.blogspot.com
prose: a form of literature which is not lit
Theabhorrenceof.blogspot.com
prose: a form of literature which is not lit
conse: I cannot finish
Metalanddust.blogspot.com
pros: london grammar allusion!!<3
cons: the double d is not lit
cons: I honestly don't understand the word lit in colloquial vernacular but here i am
hailallthelucifers.blogspot.com
pros: too true
cons: I honestly don't understand the word lit in colloquial vernacular but here i am
hailallthelucifers.blogspot.com
pros: too true
cons: 'lucifers' implies more than one satan
snowprintsinthesand.blogspot.com
pros: the legacy of the snowsephine + the sia!!
cons: sadness yet not gothic enough
snowprintsinthesand.blogspot.com
pros: the legacy of the snowsephine + the sia!!
cons: sadness yet not gothic enough
I just want something that balances gothic and sass u feel me???
Also on tuesday I'm seeing Oh Wonder in Birmingham at the O2 with Georgerai and his friend charlypie Im so excited to meet her!! But also nervous bc she went to artrave and our nice lodger left bc of the artrave tour and then the evil lodger moved in and Amrine left and Iife decayed but I sang Venus for her (feat the banana microphone) in year 11 but it was poor quality and idk what I'm gonna say and scared I might panic and haw spontaneously with no viable derivation but I'm excited bc trains are so fun and oh yeah we all had the pedo orthodontist yay ⛄️⛄️⛄️
Word of the blog: transcend
- to surpass the limits of
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